Accidental Family


What, I wonder, is this life like for people who set about to do this intentionally?  You know, the kind of people who have a couple of children and then another, and another, and maybe another. The kind of people who know what is causing the children to arrive and allow it to go on with a sort of measured consideration.  The kind who never spent any time wondering, in a kind of panic, “How did we end up with all these kids?!!”

There was a pretty big part of my life where I wanted nothing more than to have a large family.  That’s what happens when you combine infertility with latent Mormonism and having your own family destructively detonated out from under you over a prolonged period of time.

And then, well, it just didn’t happen and I moved on past it and tried to make my life about something else. And then, around the age of 33 or so I decided to play the odds, hoping against hope that I’d get at least one.

I got three…and then I had an even bigger family.  And I had it in a series of explosions that have left me gasping for breath and employing the kind of shallow breathing that only anxiety can bring.

But I wonder, what is this experience like for the people who intend all along to have large families? Are they more relaxed?  Do they live this experience with more intention and less playing frantic catch up every minute of the day?

Are they living the Martha Stewart moments where they create those really special and extraordinary memories, and have it all organized and documented and live with intention? I wonder. I really do. Because that’s how I imagine my cousins have done it.  I imagine them to be less harried. More in control. More on the ball.

I am still trying to make sense of it all, but I guess the fundamental question is this: Are they enjoying it more because they always planned on it and thus were taken less by surprise?  I want to enjoy this more. I love my kids but I am so busy managing our lives that I miss being present in our lives.  I want to live for the moments of our time together, not just facilitate them.

And I wonder if those families loose their shoes as often as we do.

I wonder…

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6 Comments, Comment or Ping

  1. Couldnt agree more with that, very attractive article

    November 13th, 2010

  2. Rhonda

    Planned or unplanned, it’s always a roller coaster ride, on the way up, you wait with frightened anticipation, and on the way down you scream “Wheeeeee” with your hands in the air!! But it all boils down to enjoying the ride, every second of it!!! Love ya girl!

    November 14th, 2010

  3. Great work keep it coming

    November 17th, 2010

  4. Hey there this is a fantastic post. I’m going to e-mail this to my pals. I came on this while exploring on aol I’ll be sure to come back. thanks for sharing.

    November 17th, 2010

  5. admin

    Thanks for the boost!

    November 18th, 2010

  6. admin

    Thanks!

    November 18th, 2010

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