Social Fail #5496

It happened again last Saturday night.  This time the scene of my spaz was my sons Little League pizza party. Previously, I have demonstrated my social awkwardness at various PTA and school events, kids parties, adult parties and, really, almost everywhere. I think I look normal at these parties, but my behavior is often anything but…

It had taken me a full season of Fall Ball to be able to comfortably exchange any meaningful words with more than 1 or 2 people. This is standard for me, although I have long ago learned the trick of seeming to be comfortable.  At some however,  I usually get scratched just below the surface and all the white noise of my personality leaks out.  Happened again last night. I walked into the pizza place last night and suddenly there I was on the outside again, even though I’m pretty sure that I’m the one that put myself there.  All the team parents began to gather at the long table reserved for our team and as I watched them laugh and chat, every social skill I’d ever pretended to have went south. I went into my sad, inexplicable, weirdsmobile setting and began to circle the periphery of the party shedding discomfort on people. I got the hell out of there fast, grateful to have the excuse that my older boys were stll playing their game and I had to get back. Sigh. Everyone else was looking pretty normal and I’m over there convulsing like some sort of social epileptic. Nice. Somebody please just jam a stick in my mouth please.

My children have long been a shield to me in moments like this and I have caught myself many times actually physically pulling them close around me in moments of social discomfort.  I do this even when confronted with people I know I’d like. Yes, it is probably wrong to use them like this, but I put them in no real danger I assure you. I doubt they realize what I’m really doing…and probably just think “God Mom! Stop hugging me all the time!” (I feel pretty sure that I would make myself the shield if the danger was actually physical you understand. I am their Secret Service and I would totally take a bullet for them…but how likely is that scenario I ask you?)

But there I was, alone and without cover.  Just awkwardly unable to ask if we were supposed to buy our own food or if the team was handling the pizza purchases. Some people have the knack for fitting in…and some people have the knack for being a complete social spaz.  Meet me…

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3 Comments, Comment or Ping

  1. suzie giberson

    Just so you know…I can have the same problem. I have learned to hide it, but it’s sort of always there. I think there must be a lot of us out there.
    PS i love reading about your life and thanks for sharing!

    November 17th, 2010

  2. admin

    You hide it very, very well! :-)

    November 17th, 2010

  3. Rhonda

    Oh girl, it is they who are missing out!!

    November 23rd, 2010

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